Student cornered by wild rabbits: “We just wanted to touch it”

Students have been advised to avoid cute campus critters.

Early Saturday morning, a student staying in Atkins Ellis over Spring Break was forced into an uncomfortable situation by a group of curious rabbits. The rabbits, which were the usual brown cottontails, kept the student trapped for fifteen minutes before she could scurry away unharmed.

“I was ambushed,” said rabbit victim Summer Keels. “One was just standing near me in the field as I ate a granola bar. Then a few more started to surround me and before I knew it there were forty small rabbits all inching closer to touch me. It was freaky.”

Physical Plant, which was shorthanded because of Spring Break, attempted to rectify the situation as quickly as possible.

“We laid out trails of carrots to catch the w[r]abbits under woodblock traps,” said one employee. “Though, these were particularly hard to catch because they are coordinated. I’ve never seen such a cunning warren.”

Some rabbits were giddy at the exciting opportunity of human interaction.

“That girl was just so interesting,” said rabbit professor Dr. Fluffyshanks. “I wanted to ask her how she could be so cute and I wanted to give her a big hug. Maybe I would have given her a snack too, all for the sake of knowledge of course.”

Physical Plant has used the above literature to defend against future coordinated rabbit attacks.

Most of the rabbits on campus, though, were shocked at the adverse reaction. They have since made an alliance with the squirrels and raccoon babies on campus in order to give each lone traveling  cute animal a group escort.

“We let students look at us before running away,” said rabbit general Cutefoot. “There weren’t many students on campus, so we sought to learn more about humans in a safe way. We just wanted to touch it. It’s not like we were going to cut off her appendages for good fortune!”