Monthly Archives: February 2012

After two weeks, missing student emerges from music building

Junior piano performance major Ross Durango was found in the parking lot behind the music building around 2 A.M. this morning, slowly singing a Gershwin piece that he had somehow rewritten into 7/8 time.  No one had seen him for two weeks prior to the incident when Darcy Thomas, another music student, apprehended him.

Durango's new cell is about the size of his practice room.

“I left a late-night practice session and there he was, sitting next to the symphonic band trailer with this dazed look on his face,” Thomas said. “He didn’t recognize me at first.”

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Tyrone Johnson’s diploma revoked, must repeat senior year

Tyrone often introduced himself to local wildlife, including the fish of this creek.

After one of the longest tenures of any undergraduate student you might think Tyrone Johnson had had enough of Lee University. But a recent series of events has pushed the administration at Lee University to rescind his hard earned diploma.

Tyrone, once affectionately known by the surname ‘from Baltimore’ has recently moved to the crescent city of New Orleans. It would normally be encouraged for Lee alumni to spread their wings and sow their seeds, but Johnson’s diploma, which read ‘Tyrone from Baltimore’ as his actual name, established a tacit binding agreement between the University and Johnson.

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“the Leek’s” next step

Family, friends, colleagues and administration,

Thank you so much for your support as we have begun this process.  The general response, to “the Leek” has been almost blasphemously positive, and far exceeds the expectations of the authors.  As such, we have the opportunity to expand the scope and breadth of the “the Leek” and we wanted to take a moment to make you, our faithful fans, aware of where we are going and where we have been.

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Campus trolley responsible for high freshmen retention rates

The Lee Clarion, in the Feb. 24, 2012, edition of their publication reported the rising second semester retention rate.  However, the Leek has discovered that the Lee Clarion shockingly missed a vital reason for this growth.

Prodigy Vanessa Chase rides the trolley every day from her dorm room in Davis Hall to the music building.

Phil Cook, vice president of Enrollment for Lee University, has confirmed that “the only real reason that freshmen are staying at Lee is our dazzling public transportation system.”

Bo Franks, Lee University’s trolley driver, was confident that his service was fundamental in making Lee the collegiate home for freshmen.

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Students: Phil Wickham’s talent “not worshipful”

Phil Wickham is "too talented" to be considered a real worship leader.

Phil Wickham performed in the Conn Center Sunday night, but not everyone was happy about it. Several students felt that the overall quality of his lyrics, the range of his voice, and his stirring chord progressions were not reflective of the Christian worship services to which they were accustomed. Many students complained that Wickham was “a little too talented” to be worshipful.

Jimmy Harper has been profusely apologizing to students for the overall excellent quality of Wickham’s performance.

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Opera Extravaganza to feature Spongebob

The Ghost of F.J. Lee recites the college benediction just out of frame.

In an attempt to appear more accessible to the student body, the Lee University Opera will be tweaking its depiction of the Marriage of Figaro to include more exciting and modern characters. The new characters, which were chosen through an online poll, will be played by some of the most popular figures at Lee University.

“We want students to ask themselves why they haven’t been paying attention to Opera all these years” said project director Ashton Teague. “If we have to defile the classiness of Opera by pandering to a hyperactive audience then, sigh, so be it.”

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