Administration accused of shortening spring break

Lee University’s administrators have been accused of planning the shortest possible spring break by scheduling the break to include the switch to daylight savings time.

“Lee administrators hate fun, everyone knows that,” said sophomore Lillian Thomas, the first student to point out the conspiracy on facebook.

Thomas tries to remember whether she has reset this particular clock yet.

“So they made sure to have an hour of our precious last day stolen by an archaic tradition meant for an agricultural society.”

Against such a surprisingly lucid argument, the administration made little attempt to defend itself.

“When students are on campus, they are in a Christ-centered environment, and they’re definitely not enjoying themselves at home and deciding to quit mid-semester. It’s for the best that spring break not be too much of a disruption,” Phil Cook said.

Some students also defended the decision.

“I don’t know, I like daylight savings time,” freshman Jill Donnelly interjected. “I mean, the sun goes down later and we get the hour back in the fall.”

“Yeah, but the sun also comes up later and we have to reset all our clocks,” Donnelly’s roommate reminded her.

“MUST EVERYONE ALWAYS HAVE A CONVERSATION LISTING THE PROS AND CONS OF DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME EVERY SINGLE YEAR?” a passerby shouted, eliciting an abashed silence from the two.

Students campus-wide will unite today to protest against daylight savings time by skipping one class to make up for the hour lost on Saturday night.

“I’m just taking back what is rightfully mine,” Thomas explained.

“But it’s not like it even makes up for it; if I had that hour back I’d be at home playing with my cat Alexandria Marie. Instead, I’ll just be in Cleveland, not going to New Testament, which is something everyone does all the time anyway.”

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