Tag Archives: freshmen

Darwin Angry After Freshman Student Debunks Theory

Charles Darwin holds the pulverized remains of his newly-debunked theory of evolution outside of the Science and Math Complex.

Charles Darwin is reportedly furious after Cyrus Williams, a freshman pastoral ministries major, successfully debunked his theory of evolution. The event occurred in Dr. Michael Freake’s environmental science class on Thursday.

Freake had invited Darwin himself to guest lecture on evolution. Williams jumped at the opportunity to directly challenge Darwin’s theory, which allegedly threatens to undermine both the Christian faith and the public school system. Continue reading

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Student Refuses to Follow Community Covenant: “There Was No Blood Sacrifice”

Campus Pastor Jimmy Harper would serve as High Priest under McNabb's proposal.

Spencer McNabb, an undeclared freshman, has made it clear: He will not follow the community covenant due to Lee University’s failure to initiate it with the blood of a sacrificed animal. McNabb claims they are playing fast and loose with the term “covenant” when they apply it to the coerced signing of a piece of paper.

McNabb says, “It’s simple: In order for a covenant to be valid biblically, there must be the spilling of blood. We saw this in the Garden of Eden when they killed the animals to make clothing, we saw this with Abraham when he cut the calf in half, and we saw it with the inauguration of the New Covenant with the shed blood of Christ.”

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Former homeschooler brings kitchen table to class

Reportedly the table brought by Justin Hartfield to class.

Justin Hartfield, a freshman English major, sparked controversy on Monday when he entered his Old Testament class carrying a backpack and a small kitchen table.

“Last week in class, something was just off,” said Hartfield, who is beginning his first semester. “When I went home over the weekend, I finally realized why learning had been so hard.”

Hartfield’s classmates report that he set the table in the back of the class, moved his chair to sit at the table, and waited quietly for class to begin. Dr. Michael Fuller, however, expressed reservations regarding the “unorthodox seating arrangement,” igniting outrage among the 53 students in the class.

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