In part because of the recent lack of pranks on campus facilities, Lee University Administration has voted to replace the beloved flame with a high powered bubble machine. Alpha Gamma Chi, for whom the fountain and flame are partially named were not consulted before the decision was made.
“I’m Mad!” said Chi president Jake Johnson. “This club is very old. Nobody messes with this club. When you do you get the horns. As an alumni, I thought Conn would know that. I guess he didn’t. I’m going to go smash stuff. I’ll be right back.”
Dr. Conn, who pushed the initiative through the administration’s agenda, said he had creativity in mind throughout the process.
“Here at Lee we are all about fostering a culture of critical thinking” said Conn in his usual twang. “We felt as if the many attempts to turn the fountain and flame into a bubble paradise had gotten out of hand. We were also bored. It has been a while since anything interesting has happened to the fountain and flame. So, we decided to change up the flame to motivate students to prank it creatively (critical thinking *wink), meanwhile we will be entertained by their awesome prankage throughout. It’s genius. I am a genius! I am the modern Prometheus!”
Physical plant will be installing the new Chi Bubble Fountain next week after the rush of finals is over. The eternal flame will be put out and re-lit in the Vest Building where it will be protected by the aptly named Cole Strong.