The Strengths Finder quiz, which is usually taken during freshman gateway to determine a student’s best attributes, will be replaced next semester by the Hogwarts Sorting Hat. The decision to use the Sorting Hat came after a campus wide debate on the effectiveness of the online quiz verses the merits of the ancient magical hat.
“We feel as if these strengths will be more accurately determined by an entity which can look into a person’s soul,” Said VP of University Relations Jerome Hammond. “The quiz is great and all, but a hat! Think about the possibilities!
Hammond continued to point at passersby with a stick while muttering phrases like Accio Golf Cart, and Accio Subway Sandwich.
The Sorting Hat was eager to help the university, and saw uniquely specific opportunities for his future role in student development.
“Hogwarts has four houses, each with its own merits and personalities” said the old hat. “And Strengths Finder has four ‘domains’ which parallel nicely with the house format I am used to. Relating Themes (Gryffindor), Impacting Themes (Slytherin), Striving Themes (Hufflepuff), and Thinking Themes (Ravenclaw) all work in harmony with one another to establish a person’s true personality. Though if you are partial to a particular strength, I’ll probably give it to you like I did that Potter kid.”
The Sorting Hat was very particular about the ceremony in which he will take part. The main ceremony will take place in the Deacon Jones dining hall, where Carolyn Dirksen will bring the students in and set up the hat, but only after Mike Hayes has sailed them down Mouse Creek. Once chosen, each student will join other students of the same strengths, before Paul Conn gives his main address. It is also rumored that David Holsinger will play a role (because he looks like a wizard).