The usually hilarious and civic-minded authors of “The Leek” were overtaken today by alter egos with minimal understanding of satire and sarcasm, who proceeded to profane List Thursday by publishing content described as “bitter,” “not satire,” and “a complete and utter fail”.
The fiendish brutes appear to have been intoxicated by the appeal of an anonymous public platform with a wide but intelligent audience. The Leek’s real authors, who had been away on holiday, were unable to grapple “their baby” out of the hands of said Neanderthals until the damage had already been done.
Though some students Liked the article, others jumped to the defense of their alma mater with the swiftness and courage of a Jedi knight riding a benevolent dragon made of pure gold. Their fortitude and aptitude in debate ultimately dealt the final death blow to Fallon’s, Pelham’s, Publius’, and Georgia’s collective Mr. Hyde.
In the interest of “starting conversations,” Alternative Chapel-style, the four writers have chosen to allow the post to remain, since some readers felt it aired legitimate grievances. “It will serve as a reminder to every young satirist that constant vigilance is required to guard against the unfunny and the simply rude,” Heller said with a heavy heart.
Future articles by The Leek will be written by its real authors, who will continue to veil constructive criticism beneath several layers of metaphor, hyperbole, and wit.