Lee Day preparations are in full swing across campus, but one crucial traditional element is missing. Physical plant’s student workers have been busy spreading mulch, planting flowers, and driving golf carts aimlessly, but not one has been sighted digging up last year’s grass.
“This is, quite frankly, an outrage,” said senior George Barton. “I have been taught to expect excellence at Lee University, and out-of-date grass is unacceptable.”
A nearby freshman protested that the grounds looked just fine, but was quickly silenced by upperclassmen.
“You just don’t know,” one person hissed. Others started up a chant of “Good Grass Comes in Squares!”
Amidst the controversy, other groups on campus have also been gearing up for Lee Day. The A-force, Lee’s elite student tour guides, are nearing the end of 2-a-day workouts to ensure they are maximally attractive.
“My smile already hurts,” said junior Darla Jones, “but it’ll be worth it when I see those high school boys realize how much they’ve always wanted to come to Lee.”
The Holy Spirit also said she is looking forward to the weekend.
“Well, you know they have that music service, and I am a sucker for choirs in matching dress. But I’ll also be around campus all weekend whispering into prospective students’ ears. Sometimes I like to give them definitive answers, like ‘take the scholarship’. Other times, I’ll say really confusing things so they second-guess themselves for months.”
She also mentioned she’s arranged for good weather.
“Mostly sunny with a high of 74. It might could be better, but we wouldn’t want anyone to get that Relient K song stuck in their heads. I really do try to help make the weekend as wonderful as possible. That Paul Conn is just so good at enlisting help with these kinds of things, you know?”
Noticeably missing from the weekend’s lineup is Shenanigans, Lee’s improv team. We asked Phil Cook, VP for Enrollment, what he thought about it.
“Improvise?! Improvise is what you do when you have already failed. There will be no improvising. I have orchestrated a perfect event, you hear me?! There will be chicken tortilla soup in the caf! There is extra sparkle in the sidewalks! I have been in contact with the birds, who promise to sing their happiest songs! Every detail is taken care of. We will have no improvising!”