Upsilon Xi’s clocktower “tired of competing”

The clock tower, Upsilon Xi’s legacy gift, is presently battling depression amidst rumors that it no longer feels useful. While it was built both to serve as a clock and a bell tower, the recent additions of the Humanities Center clock tower and the PCSU bell tower have rendered it obsolete.

“I guess you could say I’m jaded,” the clock tower said. “As my favorite writer Qoheleth says, ‘I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.’”

The clock tower then went on at length about its grandchildren and the way

The humanities building is to the clock tower as the Industrial Revolution is to cottage industry.

things used to be.

“It saddens me to see the clock tower in such a state of mind,” Jared Tomlinson, president of Upsilon Xi. “That clock tower has done a lot for our organization over the years. Yes, it may not have the largest clock or the loudest bells, but it’s ours in some sense–and that should count for something.”

Emily Jeffards, a freshman biochemistry major, still finds the clock tower to be useful. She met Thaddeus Proctor, her fiance, underneath that clock tower as the bells rang at midnight.

“I sort of think of it like the Yenta from Fiddler on the Roof. Sure, it may be a bit antiquated and not as fancy as it once was, but at least it brought Thaddeus and I together,” Jeffards said indignantly.

When we spoke with the three-faced clock tower on the Humanities building, he was quick to offer encouraging words. Citing the fact that he only has three clock faces, the Humanities clock tower pointed out that the Upsilon Xi clock tower has a niche market among the student body population at Lee.


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