The Leek authors reveal their identities

Publius Mane is Paul DeLaLuz

My name is Paul DeLaLuz, and I have written for two months under the pseudonym, Publius Mane. I feel it’s only fair to let you on why I chose to work with “the Leek.”  I’m awesome, and according to my bio: “Many of [my] students have gone on to graduate degree programs and medical schools.” Here is the problem though.  Chemicals aren’t fun. I mean, we have some funny jokes, for example:

Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, “I’m positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them.”

But on the whole, I feel trapped.  I have no outlet for my creative side.  When approached by my esteemed colleagues, because I certainly didn’t originate this marvelous work of farce, I had to say yes. Anyway, I hope you have enjoyed my work.

Pelham Longfellow is Walt Mauldin

I’ve been funny for years. When I speak in chapel, my wife often asks me why I became a university administrator rather than a stand-up comic. I decided to start writing comedic satire anonymously because I think that my well-known persona on campus at times makes it difficult for people to fully appreciate my comedic genius. I love the fame that I’ve garnered for doing it secretly. That’s what she said!

Fallon Heller is Paul Conn

I have been traipsing around this campus for years to the accolades and worship of students around campus. It’s almost as if I have become a character in a story, someone so separate from them that I’m not even real. I helped start the Leek to get closer to students. I want them to see the real me without all that pomp and circumstance that formality would require of a student-president relationship. I get joy looking around at this university knowing that no one knows their leader is secretly satirizing them all. There’s more to my comedy stylings than just a moustache or a Luigi costume.

Georgia Eliot is Carolyn Dirksen

Growing up in Arizona, I had plenty of opportunities to hone my satire skills among the Hopi Indians. As Vice President of Academic Affairs, putting these skills to use seemed the best option for raising the intelligence level of the student body at large. I also feel sometimes, when speaking to students out loud, that they are listening to my voice, but not my words, for reasons I can’t quite understand. The written word allows me to communicate better.

 

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