Campus clubs to sponsor Guilt Week

"How can you live with yourself"-Paul Conn

Due to the success of last week’s Justice Week events, clubs on campus are banding together to sponsor a collective Guilt Week on campus. This Guilt Week is hoped to have an effect of action, responsibility, and accountability among students at Lee.

“This is righteous guilt.” Said CORE member Alexa Nash. “We are trying to motivate students into action by making them feel guilty about the plight of others. It is for the greater good.”

Invisible Children will kick things off tonight with a Kony 2012 simulation where students will be able to simulate the plight of child soldiers.

“We’re going to put people in small beds and then kidnap them” said Nash. “There will also be a Joseph Kony dunk tank and henna tattoo station.”

CORE isn’t the only group getting involved. Even Lee University’s spiritual leadership is eager to help out with the event.

“Each chapel service will feature Tommy Bates goading students into an alter call for an hour” said chapel coordinator Suzette Thomas. “The Church of God is also providing what some refer to as ‘aggressive ushers’ who will poke students repeatedly until they contribute their pocket money to the kingdom. We are very excited to see what kind of revival this brings to our campus.”

A brief list of goals and events for each club include:

The College Republicans, in coordination with the Bradley County Tea Party, are featuring an event on Wednesday that will raise guilt for the plight of the 1%. They will be joined by business tycoon Alan Jones, who last year was forced to borrow one of Ann Romney’s Cadillacs while on vacation at Martha’s Vineyard.

The College Democrats will be showing a documentary featuring poor, obese people in America. Their goal is to raise guilt that America’s poor are presently dying in staggering numbers due to obesity and a general lack of access to luxuries such as hospitals.

Invisible Children will be raising guilt for child soldiers and your general lack of interest.

IJM has already hosted a poverty simulation by inviting members to sleep outside in Alumni Park. However, organizers were disappointed when the simulation backfired, as students decided that they preferred sleeping outside to sleeping in some of the residence halls.

SLC will feature a series of workshops throughout the week to make you more appreciative of their servant leadership. Workshop titles include, “How to write a thank you note,” “The unappreciated servant,” and “How being served pizza by SLC changed my life: A personal reflection.”

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