Student Reads Entire Clarion

Peter DeSoto, a sophomore business major, admitted yesterday that he had read every word of the Clarion’s most recent issue, whose headline reads “Crisis Ready: How will Lee respond in a moment of crisis?”

Unread copies of the Clarion are all given to junior Daniel Garfield, who is trying to land a spot on the TV show "Hoarders".

“Sometimes I pick it up on my way to boring classes to do the Sudoku. A friend and I also made up a game that involves finding the most typos,” he explained.

“But then I actually looked at the headline, and I thought, how will Lee respond in a moment of crisis? And then I thought, they’re reporting on the future now?”

After that, DeSoto says he “just kept reading”.

“It turned out the paper also preserved a lot of fond memories from things that happened one and even two weeks ago.”

His favorite article, he says, was the Health Corner column on page seven, “Eating the Pyramid”.

“You find these hidden gems. Where else are you going to get nutritional advice from a health science minor?”

There are plenty of reasons to pick up a copy of the Clarion.

Managing editor Richard Yeakley said he was “thrilled that students are reading the paper,” in a presumed attempt to suggest that the Clarion’s primary purpose is neither as a substitute umbrella nor as paper-mache material.He had no comment when asked if it might be a bit sensationalistic to claim that “students,” plural, are reading the paper.

DeSoto gave the Clarion an overall positive review: “It’s better reading than a chapel flyer. Worth your fifteen minutes while you’re waiting for the stir-fry line or trying to log in to a school computer.”
In case you missed it, we met up with Charity Yodis and gave the Clarion the scoop for her excellent article on The Leek (you know we’re not satiring anymore because this is in italics). It came out last week, so pick up a copy and tell a Clarion staff person you love them today!


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