Ernestine squeezes profit with new lemonade stand

Ernestine's Old Fashioned Lemonade Stand

Ernestine, the sweetest lady alive, recently soured to the idea of working for Sodexo, the corporate giant. After a dispute with management over whether her name was spelled “Ernestine” or “Ernistine,” she decided to quit and to open up a lemonade stand on the lawn of the Science and Math complex.

“I’m living the American Dream,” a matronly Ernestine said. “I’ve always dreamed of owning my own lemonade stand. And I’ve always loved purdy flowers.”

Ernestine’s Old Fashioned Lemonade Stand and Floral Boutique opened on Thursday. A crowd of forty people had gathered for the ribbon cutting when it opened at 11 a.m.

Clad in her signature white track jacket with pink stripes running down the sleeves, Ernestine signed autographs and shook hands with her adoring fans before making lemonade. With the flair of a hibachi grill chef, Ernestine grabbed four lemons, sliced them in two, and flung them into a bucket of sugar water, as Ernest Teens for Ernestine members roared in appreciation.

Suzanne Bridgette, president of Ernest Teens for Ernestine, said, “We’ll support Ernestine wherever she goes. She’s our icon.”

Tears filled her eyes as Ernestine said, “I didn’t know people cared about little old me. I just swipe cards and take meal tickets. I thought I’d never found my calling.”

Ernestine’s Old Fashioned Lemonade Stand and Floral Boutique sold $112.94 worth of lemonade and floral arrangements during its first day of business. Sodexo has offered Ernestine a $100,000 contract to purchase the bottling rights to her lemonade, as well as the right to use her likeness on all of its bottles.

This article was inspired by an image sent to us by Jessica Flack. If you want us to write an article about one of your pictures, send it to us at


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