Junior piano performance major Ross Durango was found in the parking lot behind the music building around 2 A.M. this morning, slowly singing a Gershwin piece that he had somehow rewritten into 7/8 time. No one had seen him for two weeks prior to the incident when Darcy Thomas, another music student, apprehended him.
“I left a late-night practice session and there he was, sitting next to the symphonic band trailer with this dazed look on his face,” Thomas said. “He didn’t recognize me at first.”
Durango’s speech is still incoherent because he refuses to use words containing letters other than A through G. It is conjectured that he survived on snacks from the machines and the occasional Doritos remains from other students’ $2 meal deals. No one knows any other concrete details about his harrowing ordeal.
“It’s not unusual for me to not see him,” said Durango’s roommate, Sean Hurley.
“Ross is always in the music building, practicing or making out with his flute major girlfriend in the stairwells. So I figured I just kept missing him. But around day nine or ten, I told my RA. He helped me search the closet before he went back to playing Skyrim.”
Other students say they’re not surprised.
“This was bound to happen sometime or another,” said percussion major Ben Fillmore. “You go in that building, you start practicing, you lose track of whether it’s night or day. Your world is just black and white circles on a staff. It can be hellish.”
Only the music faculty seem unconcerned.
“He came to his lessons and played beautifully,” said Durango’s piano teacher, smiling serenely.
“I don’t quite see what the problem is; there’s really nothing else for him to be doing anyway.”
William Green, dean of the School of Music, issued a safety reminder to all music students in response to Durango’s apparent psychological breakdown.
“Students should stay hydrated and well-rested, as musicians are required to be in top physical condition,” it read.
“A change of scenery may be helpful; try a practice room on another floor. Students should also make time for the occasional stress relieving, fun activity, such as using the bathroom or looking out a window.”