McClung suspends student for pride

A student was suspended this week for displaying “truly excessive” pride, a vice which is expressly prohibited in Lee University’s Community Covenant.

Psalm 59:12 is under consideration for engraving on the cornerstone of Lee's next building.

The student, who demanded his identity be concealed to protect his “considerable reputation,” had been warned several times for repeated infractions, but was finally called in to the office of the Dean of Students when a Residential Life staff member overheard his boast that “his mustache could beat Paul Conn’s in a fight any day”.

“That was really taking it too far,” said the student’s RD. “Who would dare to say something like that? It’s like claiming you’re more saintly than Dr. Augustine, or more popular than a post-chapel mixer. Ludicrous.”

Other infractions for which the student had been cited included the Facebook status, “I wish Lee’s female-to-male ratio were lower; being wanted by so many girls is a huge pain.” His most recent status (for which he was not reprimanded) said, “83 on a two-page reflection paper. TAKE THAT, MESSAGE OF THE NEW TESTAMENT!!!”

The student’s parents questioned the decision, but McClung defended the move.

“We take the entire Community Covenant very seriously. Therefore, we act just as strongly to discourage pride and jealousy as we do for drinking and premarital sex.”

He added, “Jesus didn’t just look at outward actions; he was also concerned with attitudes of the heart. That’s why we feel it’s important to specify regulations for those things, too.”

The firm stand being taken by the administration has already inspired other students to clean up their lives.

“I was honestly harboring an unforgiving spirit, but then I decided to go back and read the Community Covenant again,” said junior Elise Randall. “But it’s not worth getting kicked out of school over, so I quit that.”

“I told my Occult club that I had to leave,” senior Davis Jordan said. “Submitting to authority is more important to me than witchcraft.”

The suspended student will be allowed to return in the fall, provided he demonstrate willingness to “avoid clothes, entertainment, and recreation that would diminish sensitivity to Christian responsibility.”

McClung admitted he had no idea what that phrase could possibly mean.

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