During last night’s convocation altar call, an unusual series of events lead to the injury of several students. The Holy Spirit fell on a crowd of worshipping students and caused them mild scratches and bruises.
“It wasn’t totally unexpected,” said Convocation speaker Josh Rice. “We usually hope for the students to experience this type of gift. It just didn’t turn out the way we had hoped.”
The seven most injured students were taken to Skyridge medical center for further observation. Each of them were reported to have been blessed with a huge dove shaped bruise on their foreheads.
“This isn’t the first time this campus has had a falling of the Holy Spirit,” President Conn said. “A while back we had a campus revival that started right here in the Conn center, though, admittedly, the Holy Spirit was far gentler.”
The Holy Spirit, who was in the area for the Church of God General Assembly this summer, was polite and apologetic about the event.
“I thought I would stop by and see how things were going here at Lee,” said the Holy Spirit, who was difficult to look at directly. “I stopped at Subway to get my meatball on and when I left I must have slipped on a banana pepper or something. Next thing I know I’m in that crowd of worshipers, knocking people over right and left.”
None of the students are pressing charges against the Holy Spirit, and some were grateful for the experience.
“I was skeptical of spiritual gifts of the spirit before I came to convocation,” sophomore theatre major Reah Garmone said. “If I had known that physical injury, a literal ‘touch’, was possible, I would have been less selective about the altar calls that I prayed in.”
The altar call was quickly dispersed after the incident but plans to reconvene again this evening. The Holy Spirit is currently at Skyridge healing the various injuries of his/her victims.