Jesus to date otherwise single girl on Valentines Day

Christ en route to his date with otherwise single Lee student

Jesus Christ has recently asked Jessica Langley, a sophomore biochemistry major, to be his girlfriend for Valentines Day. Langley, who hasn’t dated anyone in three months, accepted Christ’s offer after some initial hesitation.

Langley stated, “He’s kind of out of my league. So, I was afraid he was just going to tell people he was in a relationship with me so that way they wouldn’t think he was hopelessly single.”

Christ responded to this by saying, “Out of her league? I’ve been turned down a lot. Girls tend to use me to fulfill some sort of emotional need, and then they run off with the first guy who can play guitar and sing a Chris Tomlin song.”

For their Valentines Day date, Christ intends to provide a meal of loaves and fishes while he acts out a few chaste portions from the Song of Solomon. Langley, who will play the role of the Shulamite, will then confess her sins as she pledges her unconditional adoration to Christ.

For the special occasion, Langley has purchased a bottle of “the one” perfume by Dolce & Gabbana. Valued at $92 a bottle, Langley intends to pour out her “priceless” perfume on Christ as she washes it off with her hair.

Langley stated, “I just want to make sure he knows how much I love him. I’ve made some mistakes in relationships before, but this time I’m solely committed and dedicated to Christ. He’s the ultimate lover of my soul.”

An anonymous friend who wishes only to be known as 3Nails4Given, has expressed some concerns. 3Nails4Given stated, “Jessica’s dated Jesus before, though she always dumps him once she meets someone new. I just don’t want to see a good guy like Jesus get his heart broken again.”



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2 responses to “Jesus to date otherwise single girl on Valentines Day

  1. Anonymous

    Yep. That was the line.

  2. Anonymous

    Should have went with a Conn center speed dating, were everyone in tonight’s chapel were guided by the pastor Josh Rice to find “the one!”

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