Williams was quoted as saying, “If we read Genesis as an allegory, then what’s next? Was the story of the man who built his house on the rock and the man who built his house on the sand merely an allegory?”
Williams then began to tackle the issue from a scientific perspective, “If we evolved from apes, then apes shouldn’t exist today. The fact that apes do still exist proves that we didn’t evolve from them.” Evolution, Williams argues, also fails to account for why he hasn’t seen anything evolve since he’s been alive.
Spanning issues like the Second Law of Thermodynamics, structural homology, biblical hermeneutics, irreducible complexity, missing intermediate links, and the mysterious bombardier beetle, Williams eventually left Darwin whimpering in a corner, unable to even respond to the overwhelming power of his rhetoric.
“I…I was shocked,” a visibly flustered Darwin stammered after the class. “I’d never even heard of the bombardier beetle, let alone realized that it would make my otherwise airtight theory evaporate like a mist in front of my eyes. Furthermore, I hadn’t even considered that my theory was just a theory–and not fact. What a brilliant young mind to point out these shortcomings.”
The newly-disgraced Darwin, bestselling author of On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life, will now live the remainder of his life in academic exile on a cave in the Galapagos Islands.