Student Refuses to Follow Community Covenant: “There Was No Blood Sacrifice”

Campus Pastor Jimmy Harper would serve as High Priest under McNabb's proposal.

Spencer McNabb, an undeclared freshman, has made it clear: He will not follow the community covenant due to Lee University’s failure to initiate it with the blood of a sacrificed animal. McNabb claims they are playing fast and loose with the term “covenant” when they apply it to the coerced signing of a piece of paper.

McNabb says, “It’s simple: In order for a covenant to be valid biblically, there must be the spilling of blood. We saw this in the Garden of Eden when they killed the animals to make clothing, we saw this with Abraham when he cut the calf in half, and we saw it with the inauguration of the New Covenant with the shed blood of Christ.”

McNabb wants to introduce a policy wherein each freshman student selects a lamb and slaughters it in the amphitheatre across from the Deacon Jones Dining Hall. Campus Pastor Jimmy Harper will then dip his finger into the blood and sprinkle it on the heads of each freshman seven times in front of the curtain draping the Conn Center stage, as they recite the entire covenant that they’ve established between Lee University and themselves.

As a justification for these seemingly barbaric practices, McNabb cites Leviticus 4:17: “He shall dip his finger into the blood and sprinkle it before the LORD seven times in front of the curtain.”

The leftover lamb meat would be served by Sodexo, in accordance with Exodus 12:8: “That same night they are to eat the meat roasted over the fire, along with bitter herbs, and bread made without yeast.”

Dr. Skip Jenkins, professor of theology, said, “McNabb’s critique flies directly in the face of a century of Church of God teaching. As such, it is necessarily wrong.”

Jimmy Harper echoed a similar sentiment, “Look, in biblical times they only killed animals because they didn’t have access to ball point pens. If the Israelites would have had the technology we do today, they would have simply signed a piece of paper  promising to keep the Mosaic Law–not killed a bunch of innocent animals.”

When asked how he intends to break the community covenant, McNabb responded that he intended to take communion with alcoholic wine at St. Luke’s Episcopal Church this Sunday.
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1 Comment

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One response to “Student Refuses to Follow Community Covenant: “There Was No Blood Sacrifice”

  1. Josiah

    Dude, it’s “Leviticus,” not “Levtiticas.”

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